drink up baby, stay up all night

what would you do?

i keep typing out paragraphs of text only to delete them within five seconds
there's so much i need to say but i can't / i don't know how / nothing seems right.
i can't do this, i'm unravelling 

i've been binge-watching gilmore girls for the last 4 days and

i'm not okay

(but i don't know how to say that out loud)

EVERYTHING'S FINE

i've always known i'd ruin me

i'm trying

i am not who you said i am. i am not how you define me

things i wish i could make you understand

"you’re going to be sad.
you’re going to want to scream and punch things. 
do it.
let out every ounce of anger you have.
sit on the floor and cry until you feel numb. 
listen to songs that make your heart sink to your feet.
write angry letters to all the people who have broken you, left you, ignored you or hurt you.
throw your hairbrush at the wall.
do it twelve times.
do it until you feel like you can breathe again.

you’re going to be sad.
you’re going to want to hurt yourself.
don’t you dare do it.
sit on the floor and watch cartoons like you did when you were little.
listen to songs that make you want to dance around your bedroom in your underwear at 3am.
make paper airplanes out of those angry letters and watch them soar into the fireplace.
brush all the knots out of your hair and say “i am worth it” into the mirror.
say it twelve times.
say it until you feel like you can breathe again.

you’re going to be sad.
you’re going to get through it"


by and via pessimistiic

i won't tell if you don't ask

i want to get to know you and for you to know me but i can never think of anything worthy enough to say so i don't say anything at all (and it hurts, my god does it hurt)